always something wrong
by putyourrecordson
Summary: they are either close and interrupted or they cant trust that it was real. will they ever be joanlock.
1. so close

Sherlock had always been worried about Watson, about whether or not she could protect herself. He was nagging her about it for ages, she only agreed when he expressed concern for her, he knew every time he told her he cared, she would go along with whatever he wanted, except tattoos.

Back to the story, they were in the brownstone, Sherlock going on about how important it is to keep a balanced stance, but she couldn't concentrate.

He hadn't cut his hair in a while so it was all messed up because he hadn't brushed it either; he looked so handsome with it that way. His voice was rough and full of wisdom, he had gone through so much and yet here he was ready to teach her.

She was grateful to him for just being here, using his time to mentor her, nobody else would unless she paid them.

He knew she wasn't listening, it would usually annoy the hell out of him but now it was just cute. He didn't mind as long as she was there, looking beautiful as always, he didn't blame her though, he wasn't even listening to himself.

Something about stance control, god why wasn't he paying attention, he always did, to the smallest of details but all he could notice is how she walked and how her hair reached all the way down her back.

When she had her hair up for her run, you could see all of her perfectly shaped face, and how her light make up made her natural features even more beautiful.

Back to the lesson, he grabbed at her but she jumped out the way, she knew not to take this lightly, she wacked him in the arm holding it behind his back. He managed to spin round and back out of her grip, he threw a punch but she blocked it, with her medical background she could easily find pressure points in his wrist.

He complained about her cheating but she didn't want to hear it, she threw a punch at him, a few struggles later Joan had fallen over Sherlock's leg, he had got dragged down with her.

She had banged her head and was about to lift it up when she realised how close they were, less than a few inches away, they were just staring into each other's eyes.

It should have been awkward, they were just friends right? They longed to be more, more than friends, more than partners, they wanted love, to be loved and to live happily knowing everything would be fine if they were together.

How she wanted to kiss him, to hug him and never let him go, but she couldn't do that, her heart hurt a little yet at the same time it had never felt better, to be close to him. She smiled, oh no! Why did she do that, she shouldn't have done that, he obviously knows she likes him now. She wanted him to know but she didn't want to be rejected by him, wait…..

He was smiling too, looking down at her, just smiling. He didn't usually smile at all, not even when he got a particularly hard case which he could solve in less than a day and show off to Watson. He liked to show off, to make himself look better to her, and then maybe she would love him.

Sherlock's thoughts

Were so close, why am I so happy? Why am I smiling at her? Why is she smiling back? OH, Joan why are you so beautiful, amazing, intelligent, caring, creative- STOP THIS! She's your partner, you can't, you may ruin a friendship, you shouldn't want to but, it has to be. Oh no, I can't be, not for Joan, no I went down that road once before, you got her killed, DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER THAT! yes but with Joan, its different, she's strong and we live together and I can protect her and OH FOR GODS SAKE LOOK AT HER, eye's dilated, heart rate increased and she's SMILING! At you! Just kiss her already.

Joan's thoughts

Oh, well this is awkward, isn't it? Ok, just be cool, so what your smiling and he's smiling and things couldn't be much more perfect wait, he just looked at my lips, maybe this could be better. What! You can't possibly think that, that would work. But it would, were a perfect match, how did I not notice this attraction before. Ok, remember wwsd (what would Sherlock do), his eyes are dilated and his pulse slightly increase, WOULD YOU JUST! Ok calm down, oh no I looked at his lips, oh god please, make him just slip and kiss me or something. I have never been this desperate.

MAGIC SKIP OF THOUGHT TO STORY

He was leaning in, so close to her he couldn't help it, and his arms were tired. They were so close, they had both closed their eyes, lips centimetres from each other and …..

BRING BRING BRING

You have got to be kidding me, Joan thought as her phone went off in her pocket. Sherlock pulled back and whispered

"Maybe you should answer that" he sounded almost disappointed, now both had opened their eyes. He rolled off her and walked into his room to punch the pillow or something, HE WAS SO CLOSE!

She answered her phone calmly, after she closed her bedroom door, Emily immediately regretted calling her.


	2. high love

With the moriarty case finished, Sherlock and Joan wanted (mostly Joan) some time off from work to recover. Joan was reading one of Sherlock's books when she heard a tumbling sound at the front door. She put the book down and went to go see what was making that sound, she opened the front door and Sherlock was standing there.

His eyes were almost red, he smelt different, and he was leading against the door frame with his head down. His keys were on the floor and he looked as if he was going to fall onto her. No question about it, Sherlock was high.

Joan felt her heart drop, she knew it was going to be hard for him but she didn't expect it to go this far so soon. She managed to drag him to the sofa, having to go back and close the door, he was mumbling things but she couldn't make them out. When she finally got him down, he was holding her wrist pretty tight and she couldn't get away. She tried to though.

"Joan…..Joan….im sorry. Wat….. Joan please" he looked so innocent and scared, so she just sat there with him. They sat there looking at each other, and then Sherlock said something.

"Joan…. You-you may not believe me but-but I have to say that …I …um" he had pulled her closer to him, and she had let him.

"Sherlock, your high, you don't know what you're saying, you might regret it. Just tell me when it's clear that you're sober" she knew what she wanted him to say, she knew he might say it, but she also knew he most likely didn't mean it.

"I love you Joan, I just – with the case and all… what was I meant to say" he was looking into her eyes. He tried to kiss her, but as soon as their lips touched she pulled back.

"I'm sorry Sherlock, I want to but….. You may regret it, and things like this shouldn't be regretted" it hurt her to say this, of course she loves him, as much as she possibly could but she didn't want it to be all one sided.

"I won't….I-I promise" he pleaded for her but she slipped out of his grip. She placed a blanket over him and went upstairs to bed. She didn't want to leave him, but she knew she was kidding herself by staying, it wasn't really him just the drugs. Her heart had started to break, knowing that he was high was one thing, but not knowing if he really loved her or not, that hit her hard.

Oh, but that second when he kissed her, she felt like a thousand fireworks had just gone off right after she had won the lottery. She felt as if nothing in the world could possibly stop her, she felt safe and happy, as if she could run forever. She felt like she does when she's with Sherlock, when their hands accidentally touch when reaching for case files, or that time when he tried teaching her self-defence and they fell over onto the floor, he had looked right into her eyes, almost kissed her but her stupid phone rang. Stupid Emily talking about her stupid promotion.

Sherlock had felt exactly the same way, right then when they had fallen over, he would have kissed her but her phone had rang, Emily or someone. How he really wanted to kiss her, he really wanted to lay there with her, all day. He had dreamt of her that night, dreamt he was holding her in his arms, slowly and gently kissing her as she had her arms around his neck, kissing him back. But it was just a dream, that's why he was so upset after he had woken.

Tonight they had both dreamt of each other, how much they longed for each other, how they wished to be together but could never be, until…..


	3. finally

Until, until what? There is no until. Yeah right…..

It was exactly one week since the incident, she hadn't let him leave the house without someone with him, and if he was out of her sight for more than 10 minutes she got worried and went to find him. It was just like when she was his sober companion, always worried about him, always wanting to know if he was alright. She didn't want this feeling, he had practically broken her heart but she couldn't help it, she loved him and she cared.

It was getting easier to admit, that she loved him, to herself, she even told Emily who promised to keep it a secret, but she wasn't ready to tell him. Well sometimes you just gotta spit it out, like ripping off a bandage. Too bad it was harder than that.

Sherlock had become sober enough to think about what happened that night, he doesn't remember past a stupid needle in his arm. Alfredo must have found him and taken him home, maybe he found his own way home, god hope not. He decided to check the security cameras, there he was with Joan, wait what did he just say, GOD WHAT DID HE JUST DO! He kissed her; Sherlock Holmes had actually kissed Joan Watson. He was so happy until she pulled away, she said she wanted to, good GREAT, but it wasn't him! Part of him had just died, she didn't believe him, he over her and he had told her but those stupid ass drugs made her think he didn't.

Hold on, does this mean she loves me, no no it can't be, why would she love a stupid drug addict who is always putting her in danger? Oh who cares why, she loves me, and she loves me. I have to tell her about how I feel, about how I never meant to hurt her or scare her or even touch the drugs. I must find her, wait I hear her footsteps, go let this go well.

"Sherlock?" she sounded like a little girl looking for her mum.

"Joan, Joan I'm down here. We need to talk" he didn't want to wait for her, he nearly ran her over on the stairs. He picked her up, hugged her spinning on the stairs, needless to say she was very happy when he did this.

"Sherlock put me down, we need to talk" she was giggling now and smiling, Sherlock thought about how beautiful she was when he saw her smile. He put her down, and was smiling himself.

"What was that about?" she was still smiling.

"I'm just really, really happy to be with you again" she blushed, he was holding her close to him, arms wrapped around her, until he grabbed his hand and pulled him upstairs. They sat down on the sofa and Sherlock knew what this was going to be about. The redness of her checks was gone and she looked very serious, his smile faded as well.

"You know what happened last week, don't you" she sounded almost broken talking about it.

"I... um... watched the houses security cameras" he pointed to the few places around the room, where he had hidden them. She looked away over her shoulder.

"Right, I have to say I'm disappointed in you" he felt his heart drop.

"But" but, BUT WHAT JOAN. "It seems that it's not entirely your fault" she was chocked, barley able to get the words out. Sherlock couldn't believe it; she blamed herself for what happened.

"I'm so sorry, Sherlock" tears welled up in her Sherlock couldn't believe it; she blamed herself for what happened.

"I'm so sorry, Sherlock" tears welled up in her eyes, she didn't want him to see, she was meant to be his strong partner, she wasn't allowed to cry. Sherlock put his hand on her shoulder trying to get her to look at him; he wasn't exactly thinking at this point, he just didn't want her to cry.

"No, no Watson, don't just don't, please Watson it's not your fault" he was holding her hands now, kneeling in front of her. "Don't cry, don't blame yourself, it's not your fault." She looked at him, eyes open clinging onto his every word.

"Sherlock, I should have noticed something was wrong with you, but I didn't, I'm a terrible partner" she looked down trying to withhold tears.

" no you're not, you're an amazing partner, and a great friend" she didn't believe him "ok so maybe you can be bossy and controlling and maybe you're not always there, but who can be everywhere at once, right?" he shouldn't have said that. She slapped him, hard enough to make him stagger back and let go of her.

"You're an ass" ok she was angry, understandable, Sherlock had tripped over and banged his head, holding his hand to try and cover the blood. She saw straight through it and rushed next to him to help.

"I'm sorry Sherlock, I didn't mean to… I was just angry, sorry Sherlock, I'm so sorry" she sounded like she was crying again, tending to his wound like she would when she was a doctor, being careful not to hurt him more. Half an hour later, he had a bandage on the back of his head and they were just sitting there on the sofa, awkward silence filled the air, and Sherlock just had to break it.

"I know what happened that night, the way we just sat there, looking at each other and I t almost looked perfect" she looked up at him.

"But I had to ruin it, I'm sorry"

She let out a small chuckle, "we apologise to each other way too much, I forgive you" she looked back down at her hands, trying to get out a question she so despretly wanted to ask. He turned to face her, with one knee on the sofa.

"Let it out Joan" he used her first name "what is it?" she took a deep breath, closed her eyes and, let it out.

"Ever since what happened, I couldn't get that one second kiss out my head" she looked up at him. "And what you said, I have to know Sherlock, do you love me?" he just smiled, he knew what answer she wanted, and for once he could give it. He leaned in; she didn't notice with her eyes closed, only when she had opened them, he was an inch from her face. So scared of how she may react, he pushed her down against the sofa, holding her back and restricting movement, faces still so close. She didn't try to break free.

"My dear Watson, ever since I laid eyes on you" he leaned down and kissed her ever so gently, it was like they were the only ones in the world. When he finally pulled away, she opened her eyes and looked at him.

"I love you, too" she said. They laid there, just smiling at each other for what seemed like forever, the Joan lifted her head to his ear and whispered "what are you waiting for"


End file.
